Let’s talk about sex, baby.
No, really. Like all great stories start, it began on Tinder. Sophia* was quite literally the girl next door. I knew her from around school but we never moved past the casual, innocent flirt. Tinder got me her number and gave me a reason to start having a semi-real conversation.
After a couple of days, she stopped by my room since I was only five seconds down the hall from her room. Long story short, we started cuddling on the bed but nothing more. She decided to sleepover and all we did was kiss. She slept over the next few days, without going farther than first base—which was fine because I wasn’t expecting anything. On the fourth night, I went further than I expected too. I was on the giving end, not the receiving end. She loved it and wanted to reciprocate.
Sophia was significantly more experienced than I was. At the time, I was a 21-year-old virgin looking for the right girl and I never had gotten past second base. This was all a new experience and I found myself feeling emotionally closer to Sophia than any another other girl I have ever messed around with. For a long time, I was waiting for the right girl to come along for my first time, which I always wondered if that were strange for a guy.
Fast forward, we were really getting into it and I was about to get past third base but then it happened– one of my worst fears. My little guy gave up on me. Despite my efforts to ready for this moment, I just couldn’t do it and I was consumed with the panic of what she was probably thinking about me. I was extremely fortunate that she was understanding and didn’t make a big deal about it.
Unfortunately, that was the end of that night and the same thing happened a couple of more times.
I tried to figure out whether I just didn’t find her attractive enough or if something was wrong with me, or if I was just too nervous. Sophia told me it was just nerves and told me to stop thinking about it and focus on her.
For the first few times, the advice was useless.
I didn’t want her to feel bad about herself because of my inability to perform. I had a deep-seated fear that I would never be able to get past this nervousness. Eventually what helped was focusing on the physical feeling and the “finishing” outcome rather than trying to focus on the one thing that was preventing it from happening.
From this experience, I can say that the most important step of this process is to find someone you can be comfortable with. Don’t be too focused on what is “wrong” or “not working”, and after talking to a few close friends, I realized that I am not the only guy who has experienced this. It’s not your fault, it simply just happens sometimes. I found my happy ending (no pun intended). I hope you get to find yours too.